Recently, I received a note from a friend that I’d been out of touch with. Everything was going extremely well for her. In fact, her children were gifted students and athletes and she and her husband were amassing both fame and fortune. As I mentally compared my own life to hers, I felt that mine did not stack up. Then, I stopped myself, remembering a trip to the grocery store and the important lesson that I had momentarily forgotten. I’d like to share it with you today.
Several years ago, on a cloudy April day, I ran into the father of one of my son’s childhood friends at the grocery store. I hadn’t seen Hank in years, but had fond memories of our sons as junior doubles tennis tournament partners and singles opponents who battled it out on the tennis courts during long, hot summer days. I asked Hank about his entire family, particularly his son. Everyone was thriving. Hank’s wife had gone back to school and become an inspiring teacher. Their daughter had a fulfilling career and had married a wonderful young man. And my son’s friend had just graduated from a prestigious Ivy League School where he had been president and valedictorian of his class.
We said our good-byes and I finished my shopping. However, I was distracted with my own nagging thoughts. My son is a wonderful, kind, forthright, honest, and responsible young man. He is genuinely a good person and I am blessed to have him as my son. But that day at the grocery store, I was not counting my blessings. I was too busy comparing my life and my children’s lives to someone else’s. Unlike Hank’s son, my boy was not chosen to attend a top university. And unlike Hank’s daughter, my oldest daughter was not making the best choices in men. I wondered if this was somehow a reflection of my parenting. If Hank and his wife had raised my children, would the results have been different? I was still feeling discontented as I paid for my groceries and headed out the door.
There, I saw another father of one of my children’s classmates and he was with his son, Nick. Although Nick was now a teenager, he rode in the cart like a young child. Nick has multiple handicaps. Among other disabilities, he has a prosthetic leg and is wheelchair bound; he must be fed through a feeding tube, and is unable to speak. Making the situation even more heartbreaking, Nick’s mother had recently died from brain cancer, leaving behind not only Nick–but four other minor children.
But to my astonishment, both Nick and his father were smiling. I did not intrude upon them but was mesmerized by the happy scene. It had begun to rain and Nick’s dad told him that they were going to make a run for it. Nick seemed excited by the prospect and the two seemed liked co-conspirators, planning a thrilling get-away. As the heaven’s released the sudden downpour, Nick’s dad began running- and pushing the cart toward their car. Just as suddenly, I felt the rain wash away any traces of discontentment. It was replaced by the sound of Nick and his father’s laughter, which still rang in my ears.
Unbeknownst to them, Nick and his father taught me an important lesson. And it’s one that I vowed to remember. There will always be people experiencing more difficulties than me, and those with less. I remembered the adage, “to everyone’s life some rain will fall.” Some people only have to face an occasional rainstorm. Others face hurricanes that rock the foundation of their lives. Even then, Nick and his father showed me that there are moments of grace to be found.
Once they enter school, children invariably begin comparing themselves to the other children in their class. Unfortunately, children who are atypical learners are at risk of developing self-esteem issues as they begin comparing themselves to traditional learners who easily breeze through school. Many adults decided they weren’t as smart as others when they began comparing themselves to their classmates in elementary school. And these faulty conclusions can stick with us, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy!
Help your child to discover his or her unique learning style. For instance, if your child learns best by listening to material, you can acquire books on tape. And in addition to academics, encourage your child to discover and develop his or her unique interests and aptitudes, turning them into enjoyable pastimes and hobbies.
Finally, avoid any temptation to compare your children. Instead, treat them like the unique individuals that they are.
Recently, I received a note from a friend that I’d been out of touch with. Everything was going extremely well for her. In fact, her children were gifted students and athletes and she and her husband were amassing both fame and fortune. As I mentally compared my own life to hers, I felt that mine did not stack up. Then, I stopped myself, remembering a trip to the grocery store and the important lesson that I had momentarily forgotten. I’d like to share it with you today.
Several years ago, on a cloudy April day, I ran into the father of one of my son’s childhood friends at the grocery store. I hadn’t seen Hank in years, but had fond memories of our sons as junior doubles tennis tournament partners and singles opponents who battled it out on the tennis courts during long, hot summer days. I asked Hank about his entire family, particularly his son. Everyone was thriving. Hank’s wife had gone back to school and become an inspiring teacher. Their daughter had a fulfilling career and had married a wonderful young man. And my son’s friend had just graduated from a prestigious Ivy League School where he had been president and valedictorian of his class.
We said our good-byes and I finished my shopping. However, I was distracted with my own nagging thoughts. My son is a wonderful, kind, forthright, honest, and responsible young man. He is genuinely a good person and I am blessed to have him as my son. But that day at the grocery store, I was not counting my blessings. I was too busy comparing my life and my children’s lives to someone else’s. Unlike Hank’s son, my boy was not chosen to attend a top university. And unlike Hank’s daughter, my oldest daughter was not making the best choices in men. I wondered if this was somehow a reflection of my parenting. If Hank and his wife had raised my children, would the results have been different? I was still feeling discontented as I paid for my groceries and headed out the door.
There, I saw another father of one of my children’s classmates and he was with his son, Nick. Although Nick was now a teenager, he rode in the cart like a young child. Nick has multiple handicaps. Among other disabilities, he has a prosthetic leg and is wheelchair bound; he must be fed through a feeding tube, and is unable to speak. Making the situation even more heartbreaking, Nick’s mother had recently died from brain cancer, leaving behind not only Nick–but four other minor children.
But to my astonishment, both Nick and his father were smiling. I did not intrude upon them but was mesmerized by the happy scene. It had begun to rain and Nick’s dad told him that they were going to make a run for it. Nick seemed excited by the prospect and the two seemed liked co-conspirators, planning a thrilling get-away. As the heaven’s released the sudden downpour, Nick’s dad began running- and pushing the cart toward their car. Just as suddenly, I felt the rain wash away any traces of discontentment. It was replaced by the sound of Nick and his father’s laughter, which still rang in my ears.
Unbeknownst to them, Nick and his father taught me an important lesson. And it’s one that I vowed to remember. There will always be people experiencing more difficulties than me, and those with less. I remembered the adage, “to everyone’s life some rain will fall.” Some people only have to face an occasional rainstorm. Others face hurricanes that rock the foundation of their lives. Even then, Nick and his father showed me that there are moments of grace to be found.
Once they enter school, children invariably begin comparing themselves to the other children in their class. Unfortunately, children who are atypical learners are at risk of developing self-esteem issues as they begin comparing themselves to traditional learners who easily breeze through school. Many adults decided they weren’t as smart as others when they began comparing themselves to their classmates in elementary school. And these faulty conclusions can stick with us, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy!
Help your child to discover his or her unique learning style. For instance, if your child learns best by listening to material, you can acquire books on tape. And in addition to academics, encourage your child to discover and develop his or her unique interests and aptitudes, turning them into enjoyable pastimes and hobbies.
Finally, avoid any temptation to compare your children. Instead, treat them like the unique individuals that they are.
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